“From nowhere to now here”
As I think back over the five days away, this lovely saying was a reminder of the winding road so far.
This time around, I was less emotional, had fewer breakdowns and fewer breakthroughs. Infact it became very clear that I already have all the information I need to heal, I just need to get on with it. Review my plan and stick to it.
For Mum, it was a different story. She got to meet other cancer patients, hear their stories, and bond with other carers. She listened to lectures about mindfulness and contemplation, learnt to meditate and ate lovingly made vegan food. She even went without a cup of tea for 5 whole days and showed no signs of any withdrawal headaches!
Initially, I struggled having her there. As a child, teenager (even as an adult) I never liked to share with my parents. I didn’t want to share my thoughts, feelings or what was going on in my life. But this all changed with the diagnosis. I let my guard fall. I let the deeper part of me rise to the surface and I let them see me. In the beginning it was easy, but lately I have retreated a little and things got more and more superficial and I’m not sure why.
So the Gawler retreat couldn’t have come at a better time and bringing Mum along allowed her even greater entry into my new life. She got an insight into what I believe in, a chance to understand my thinking, and see why I have chosen to do what I do.
It was important it was Mum who came. Alex lives it everyday. He understands completely. He knows me. Vas also gets it and is where I need him to be. Dad, well…..this was definately not a place he would be comfortable in. We bond while watching the cricket or talking science. And for me, that’s perfectly fine. But I need my Mum to understand. I want her on my bus.
The 5 days created a platform for us to keep building on. It gives us something deeper to talk about, something other than the weather. It also gave me an opportunity to see my mum in a different light. I got to understand her better. To see her struggles, to see her heart and her heartache.
I wonder if she feels the same? I am pretty sure she does. Either way the 5 days were worth it. For both of us. And a pretty good lead into Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day Mum xxx
Clinical Trial {and Error} 