Cycle 9 Day 16: Obama, Attenborough and …. Galettis?

I went back to my parents this week. To give Alex a break, but also to give myself one. Vas came home too. It was like I was a teenager again. 

On Tuesday evening, as a family, we watched Barack interview David Attenborough. I think I smiled the entire length of the program. Not because of what was said, but how it was said. 

  

At 89, Sir David Attenborough has not lost the enthusiasm, passion, fascination with the natural world. He is in awe of it still. Every word emanates from deep within his being. He felt it and he meant it. They discussed the changes to the planet Sir David had witnessed during his lifetime and solutions to the problems we face today and into the future. 

My Dad also likes to solve the world’s problems through ‘healthy discussion’. He is a different sort of passionate to Sir David though. Not as refined, and somewhat more intense, but just as heartfelt and spirited when it comes to conversation. Over the dining table, he can construct an intelligent argument on how best to deal with the Greek debt crisis or enable free healthcare to all Americans or even improving the taxation system in Australia. 

I have been listening to this talk all my life. What he has to say is logical, in line with my own values and ideas. I normally agree. But of late I find myself disagreeing for the sake of it. His solutions are big picture and for some reason it doesn’t sit well with me. I stop him part way through a rant to ask ‘but what are you as an individual going to do to solve this problem?’ 

His answer is simple. He is an educator and talking is his contribution to get people engaged and motivated. To get them thinking and doing. Words will lead to action. 

So what’s my issue with it?? Why when I listen now do I feel like I’m on a Miss Universe pageant, where the words to questions like ‘how would you end world poverty?’ are meaningless….

I realised while at home that my question to him is actually a question to myself. “What are you going to do as an individual?” I can talk, write and think all I want about what I am going to do to rid my body of cancer. But am I actually going to do it? 

The last two weeks have been tough. I stopped doing. I am naturally a thinker. I am not a do-er. But since my diagnosis, I am now uncomfortable not doing (does that sentence even make sense?!). It now feels unnatural not to do. Or more to the point, it feels unnatural to think too much without any action behind it. For me (once again) it comes down to balance. I was definately out of balance.

After my scan yesterday I started doing  again. I stopped holding my breath, stopped being paralysed by the fear. I stopped thinking too much. I took myself to an evening yoga class. Got myself some different pain medication instead of relying on someone else to get it. I watched the full moon rise across the ocean in the cold wind. I felt alive again. Let’s hope I can maintain this balance over the weekend while I await my results…